Behaviors

Last week I posted about points of focus and prayer in my life lately. However, one thing was left off that list. It was unintentional but, I guess it just wanted it's own little post! So, here ya go!

As I make my way through the application packet and begin to put pen to paper there are two areas that I'm really praying about. They are essentially the same general topic, but are separated out on two different forms. The topic is the child - who they are and what behaviors they demonstrate.

The first is to list out general details of the child. I tell them the age, sex, number, race, etc of children I would be willing to take. This is a question that I have thought a lot about in recent months and so this one was relatively  easy. I have a good idea of what I am open to, and then a wider second layer to discuss with the agency.

The other is a full sheet of "Behaviors you believe you can handle." I am supposed to "just" circle all of the behaviors I think I can handle and would be willing to take in a child. You may think this would be a relatively easy task to complete, but I'm finding it is not so simple. I understand that each child has different issues with which they have to deal, and I have my own limitations which I have to face as well. I guess it just feels odd to be "picking out" the behaviors my child will have. But, I also would like to note that the list of behaviors is all "negative" behaviors. It's not like I can say, "I want the most beautiful, smartest, healthiest child you've got!" No, not at all! I'm choosing between behaviors/characteristics such as Fighting, Bed-wetting, running away, being an illegitimate child, tantrums, being messy, having bad personal care habits, etc.  Sure, some of the behaviors are easy for me to circle or not. For example, I know I can handle a child that is quiet and a bit of a wallflower, but that I cannot take a severely handicapped child. Some behaviors I would like to be able to say yes to, but as a single-woman working full-time, its just not possible. (This is where doubts and guilt enter.) Then there are other behaviors listed that were a bit more complicated. On a couple I have gone back and forth as to the best answer for me and the child. I wish that there was an explanation or scale attached with each behavior listed. And by scale I mean, does this child just tantrum sometimes or have severe tantrums, the majority of the time? Things like that will make a difference in feeling that I am capable of being the best fit for them or not. I also realize that each child will be placed on a case-by-case basis and matched individually when that time comes. This questionnaire is more of a general survey from which to work. Even still, I feel it is especially important that I fully consider each of these things and my ability to bring them into my life. I want to make the best choice, but am struggling on what exactly that is. I think I need to remember this comment I heard on the subject:

Recognize your limitations and don’t feel guilty. This is a strength and will be most beneficial for the child.

My agency worker informed me that any questions can be discussed at my in-home orientation. So, I will definitely be discussing certain behaviors with her. For now, I will mark what I am confident in, pray about the others, and try to understand more about what my limitations might be.

Correction

I realized that an error occured while saving & posting my last entry. It didn't save any of my final changes. One item specifically was bugging me.

Here is what it said:

Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need and opportunity for adoption from FCfost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.

  It should have read:

Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need, and thus opportunity for adoption from FC is great. I do not plan on requesting only a fost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.

I know that wasn't a huge change, but it was missing a whole sentence in there! Oh well, have a great day!

Focus Topics

The past couple of days I have been quite out of it. Tired, not feeling well, etc. I think part of it is due to the fact that I'm still recovering from gallbladder surgery. (Doc says that could take months.) Another contributing factor could be that it seems a ton has been happening lately, while yet nothing at all at the same time. A ton has been happening in my head, but not necessarily in the real world. My brain is in overdrive trying to take in as much information as possible as I research foster care. I also have been thinking over and working through the application packet and all of the possibilities and choices I will have to make in the near future. Choices that could lead to both short-term and life-long changes to my life. I actually found some comfort from the worry of those choices while listening to an amazing podcast about foster care and adoption that I will share with you in a couple more weeks. But, I think that all of these factors and other life issues has culminated into me being moved to ask you for prayer. Here are some specific things I'm praying over currently:

1. Community. I'm working to build a community around myself. I've begun attending a new church and getting plugged in there. I have been making contact with other single foster parents as well to hear thier stories and gain any advice possible. Pray that I will make the right connections locally and in the foster & adopt world.
2. Finances. Being a single woman, this seems to be a topic for prayer quite often in my life. However, with the loss of some pay at work (due to surgery) and trying to get everything fixed and prepped in the house for FC, this has become an even greater point of focus.
3. Children. I've been thinking about the kiddos in FC for quite some time. Every now and then I wonder if "my" child is already out there waiting for me. I think about what situation they are in now and how I'd love to be able to help them today. I've decided that what I really need to do is to pray for the children in FC and that the right child and I will be placed together as soon as possible.
4. Foster Workers. I've been praying quite often that I will be matched up with amazing workers within my agency and county. Pray for good caseworkers, social workers, lawyers, judges, etc.
5. Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need and opportunity for adoption from FCfost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.
6. Child Care. As I work full-time, child-care will absolutely be necessary. The FC reimbursement will help to cover any cost associated with child-care, but that isn't really my concern. I want to be able to find the right fit for the everyday routine, as well as for other times that may arise. In FC you can't have just any teenager, or adult for that matter, babysit. There are specific requirements involved. I'm not 100% sure about IL yet, but I know in some states, for example, the regular caregivers must be fingerprinted.
7. Wisdom & Knowledge. How is that for a request?! As I mentioned, I'm learning a lot about the system and what a crazy ride I have before me. There is still so much more to learn and I want to be able to soak it all in. I also need wisdom. This journey is going to require a lot of wisdom in many, many situations. Pray I will find the grace and wisdom to handle each step of the process in the best way possible.

Application Update

This past weekend I finally managed to thoroughly look at that inch-high stack of paperwork they call an application packet. There was so much there that it was difficult to really process the first time through. So, the second time around I decided I had to take some notes. Some of the forms require only information - ie, fill in the blanks. Some forms require a bit more than that. It is the latter, with all the extra tasks, that I really had to pay attention to closely. In the end I did what one of my oh-so-organized friends would be proud of me for doing: I created an Excel spreadsheet to track it all! I listed each form by name and ID number, if any additional tasks were involved, what they were, and ways to mark each completed. I feel a bit nerdy, but I really think it is the only way I'm going to stay organized and allow my feeble mind to process and track it all efficiently.

I've started working more and more on my own checklist of items as well. For example, this week I contacted the school district and found out which school my children would attend. I also contacted the local YMCA for information about their after-school "latchkey" program. The program offers child care, including games, homework help, snacks, etc. from the end of the school day until 6pm all for only $45/week. If you do the math, that is only $3/hr! And, another great feature of the program is that it is conducted in the school itself. The child never has to leave the building and the parent doesn't have to worry about transportation from one place to another. If I can have this program approved by the agency, I think it could be a great fit for me and my work schedule.

Anyway, you may be wondering about those "tasks" I mentioned earlier. Here are some of the tasks:

• Installing smoke & CO2 detectors as prescribed by the agency/state
• Verifying that the hot water from your faucet is below 115 degrees
• Getting a physical and doctor's approval that you are healthy enough to parent
• Getting a TB test
• Collecting financial information such as your budget, pay stubs, and most recent taxes
• Getting copies of pet records to prove they have their proper vaccinations
• Collect References

I don't have my handy dandy little spreadsheet on me currently, so I can't remember them all. But, there is obviously more to do!

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I am behind on my original plan as far as timing goes. Now that I have the application in-hand I am getting a better idea on where the new time table is headed. There is still lots to do around the house, thanks to failing gallbladders. And, there is plenty to do with the application itself. My first dent into the application was purchasing C02 & smoke detectors to be installed according to the agency's instructions. I've also collected my references and made my appointment with the doctor, which is a nice gauge for that time table I mentioned. I will see the Dr. at the very end of this month. So, my application will not be complete until sometime after that date.

So, with all that said, I anticipate to have the application fully completed and schedule my in-home orientation for early October. That gives me more time to work on the house and all of the other tasks that need to be taken care of before then. Hopefully it will all come together smoothly and that, in the end, it will be accepted with grace!