It is that time of year again! Somehow the months have passed in a blink of an eye and Christmas, too, has come and gone before I knew it. I was able to make a brief trip home to see family and (aside from being sick these past couple of weeks) had a good holiday. I hope that you and your family also had a very Merry Christmas! But, as I was saying...time has passed so quickly and it is already the end of the year. Time to reflect on this past year and celebrate the coming of a new one is upon us. As talk of yearly recaps and new resolutions begin to bounce around conversation, the subject naturally has begun to float in my head as well.
This year did not prove to turn out as I expected. This is nothing new in my life, but I had such an excitement for the journey I thought was before me. The year started out with the first steps in my foster care journey. I was fingerprinted, cleared a background check, and passed a home study. Then I moved on to my official foster parent training. I progressed through weeks of classes learning all about what it means to welcome one of these little ones into your home and life. I was more motivated than ever to continue to walk down this path. By April I was officially licensed by my state as a foster parent. But, during training I realized that to properly care for any child placed with me, I would need to have a little larger stock of vacation days at work. Due to surgeries and injury in the previous two years, I had very little time available. I prayed about it, talked to friends, and to my case worker. We decided that Respite would be a good option. I was told there was a great need for weekend respite for other foster parents, but in the months since I have received only one call. And, unfortunately I was unable to accept that placement.
About a month ago my case worker visited for her routine home check. We discussed the lack of calls for respite and I asked if there was anything I was doing wrong. Did I come across too picky? Did I miss something in my training or house preparations? Am I just an unfit parent? I had become quite discouraged and wanted to know if it was just me or something that I could change. She assured me that it wasn't me at all. She thought I would be a good foster parent, but that circumstances had just not come together for a fitting placement. Many of the children who needed respite were finding that with other foster parents they had connected with on their own. And, while there were a lot of disruptions occurring lately, long-term placements were required for them. I shared some of my personal thoughts on the future with her and we discussed how this affected my situation. She was very positive and encouraging on every point of our conversation. This made me very thankful and encouraged that I just might be headed in the right direction.
So, what direction is that? That direction is one that I did not expect to be seeing any time soon. It is something that I have prayed over, worried about, discussed, and thought about for many many months. I've had sleepless nights, moments of panic, excitement, and fear. I have questioned my sanity and my faith. But, after all of that, I keep coming up with the same answer. After almost eight years in my current location, it is time to move on. Despite having a good job with great people. Despite having a lovely home. Despite finally making the decision to foster/adopt and earn my license. Despite everything, it is time to move on. And so I will be moving back "home," near my family and some friends. My home is on the market and the job search has been in full gear for some time now. I have no idea when I will move. That decision will be made by either the selling of my home or the acquisition of a new job. There is a chance I would move prior to either of those two things occurring, but that is something that would take even more prayer, thought, and faith. Right now the plan is that when I sell my home or get a new job, I will provide my two weeks notice at work and move. As I mentioned, this is a very scary and unexpected turn in my life so I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers as I try to find a new job and buyers for my house.
A few of you know about this decision as I have confided in you over the past few months. And, one question I've heard and that I'm sure all of you are now asking is, "what about all of your foster care stuff?" To be clear, I have by no means felt any disconnection from my calling (if you want to call it that) to foster and/or adopt one day. I am disappointed that this year didn't turn out as I expected. But, my desire to foster and adopt is the prime reason that I have decided to move. It first began whispering in my head during training. Over the months, the voice became louder until I finally began to listen and consider what it had to say. Becoming a single parent by choice is a tough decision. And, I have no family or real working support system where I currently live. So, I would be doing it completely alone. Aside from that, I want to be able to provide my child with a real family. I want to be able to offer them real time with grandparents, an uncle, cousins, and friends. I want them to experience the feeling that there isn't just one person that cares for them, but a large crazy bunch of people. I want them to know that if I fall ill or have an emergency that they won't be shipped off or left alone - even for a few days. They will have family. They will have people to surround them to celebrate birthdays, accomplishments, and holidays. I want them to have all the blessings and more that I had growing up.
While my journey to fostering and adopting may be taking a detour, the journey is not over. Once back in my home state, I will need to get settled in a proper home (another huge prayer request) and will then be able to connect with an agency for re-licensing. Each state has their own licensing and training requirements. You are licensed only by and for your single state. So, yes, I will have to re-do this part of the process. I have already become connected with a local social group of foster parents in my new state that has given me insight on what agencies might best work for me. As I mentioned earlier, I discussed my future with my case worker. She assured me that she will do anything she can to help me get through that process as quickly as possible. She told me to provide my new agency with her information, so that they may contact her. Having that support was encouraging and made me think that this lady really cares about getting kids in safe homes, no matter where they live.
SO, this year may have passed without all of the adventures I expected. But, I guess you can say I went on a whole different kind of journey within myself. I learned some things about what I want, need, and can offer as a potential single foster parent. I grew in my knowledge of that world and the challenges that will come with it. I worked through excitement, fear, and discouragement along the way. And, I also believe that I grew in my faith and relationship with Christ. Moving forward without any of these would be impossible, so I guess that just mean I am now more prepared for the journey.
I want to offer a huge thank you to each and every one of you who have supported me this year. You have sent words of encouragement, volunteered your time, donated to my sale, and offered up your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate every one! I could not have made it this far without you. And please, do not feel that any of your efforts are now in vain because I am moving. I have gained a world of knowledge and have acquired all of the items necessary for a child's bedroom - including a small collection of clothes, toys, books, and personal care products. Once settled and re-licensed, I will have what I need to continue on the journey. So, thank you!
I have waited quite some time to make this decision public, but realized that I need all the prayer and support I can get during this time. So, if you are willing to say yet another prayer for me and my journey there are a couple of specifics you can pray over. First, pray that I can find a new job soon. I have been looking for a while with little to no response. I think it is partly due to the fact that I still live in a different state. Second, pray that I can sell my house soon. The competition is great as there is a huge number of homes for sale within my city. But, I know that God can lead the right people at the right time to this place. Pray the house will sell soon and at a price that doesn't leave me in the hole. Third, that I will be able to find a new home perfect for me, my fur babies, and for my future child. Finally, that the entire process will be as peaceful and smooth as possible. There are certainly difficult times that could come during this transition so please pray that I will have the wisdom to know what to do when and trust God's hand throughout it all.
Thank you again for your support! I will do my best to keep you updated during this time of transition and look forward to sharing the joys of the new year with you all!
