Monday, December 17, 2012

Merry Christmas!

It is that time of year! I love Christmas...the lights, the feel, seeing family, everything. Well, everything except for all the crazy shoppers and the fact that they start Christmas on Halloween. But, anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! It is odd to think that next Christmas I might have a child to explore the joys of Christmas with. But, for this year, I enjoyed it with my four-legged kids. We made salt-dough Christmas ornaments this weekend!

Many people get an ornament each year that signifies something special from that time. So, my ornament, a heart made out of my fingerprints, signifies the fact that I was just fingerprinted for the sake of offering love and a safe home to a child in the new year. (Please ignore the fact that it looks pink - it really is red. Plus, the paint was still wet. All the ornaments actually look a lot better now that they have dried!)


Charlie was the best at doing his print, but I kind of messed it up after that. Here's Charlie's:


And, even though Freckles wasn't a big fan of this project, his turned out awesome! Go Freckles!

Hope you and your family, whether 2 legged or 4, have a very
Merry Christmas!


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

THE Foster Parenting Podcast

I’ve been intending on writing this blog since this summer. Obviously I never got around to it until now. I just wanted to share with you a little about a podcast I had found. It is, of course, about foster care and is something I would recommend to anyone interested in the foster care or fost-to-adopt process. It is hosted by T & W, a young Christian couple who live in California. They shared their story in such a very real, raw way that you couldn't help fall in love with them and their family. I think the fact that you could hear their voice and the emotion helps allow you to really connect with them. Sometimes there was tears, but there was also a whole lot of laughter.

T&W fostered for a while before eventually adopting sibling girls. The podcast mostly covers their journey of bringing the girls into their home, first as foster kids, and then all the way through to the finalization of their adoptions. (I guess I just ruined the end of their story for you, didn't I?! ha!) They did foster other children while having their girls, and so share stories from those & their previous fostering experiences as well.

I found this podcast in of all places, Pinterest! And, when I did come upon them they had already been posting for a couple of years and had recorded over 100 episodes. I chose to listen to 2 or 3 episodes that looked interesting (each is titled & has a summary) before deciding that I’d just start from the beginning. It took me just under two weeks to listen to what took them years to record. I actually felt a little guilty – as if I did their journey an injustice by traveling it’s entire course it just a couple of weeks. But, I realized that was kind of the point. They created it to share their journey with friends and family but also inspire and help those interested in starting their own journey. When they were going through the process they searched for a resource such as this without any luck. So, they created this podcast as a way to fill that need for other people.

Considering each episode was around 30 minutes, they have shared over 50 hours of what they have learned about foster care and adoption from their own personal experiences. They shared about seemingly everything. They shared tips about fostering agencies, bio family visitations, what it is like in the court room, how to get the appropriate help for your child at school (many Foster kids are behind in school), books & other resources, trials foster/adoptive children face, and just all the things that can happen in the crazy, everyday life of fostering. I learned SO much about the system and how it works (at least in California...every state differs in their rules & regulations).

So much information in fact that shortly after beginning to listen to their podcast I realized the need to actually take notes while doing so. I ended up with quite a long list of things to take away from what they had to share. A list of books to read (some of which I've already read now), ideas on how to parent or deal with certain foster-specific situations, quotes (that I don't think maybe they intended to be "quotes"), tips on making the child feel a part of the family, privacy, the loss felt when a foster child moves on, etc. SO, so, so much stuff I can't list it all here!

They also were just great inspiration and encouragement. They always had such faith in God no matter what happened during their journey. And, they managed to approach almost every situation with a bit of humor....at least later! They also let me off the hook for feeling guilty about not being able to provide certain things and what a strength it is to truly understand my limitations. I'm so glad I took notes, but also feel like listening to it all again could be beneficial...as I didn't take notes at the beginning.

They no longer record new podcasts regularly, as they have settled into life with their girls and no longer foster. Though, that may change as I think they suggested in their last post that they are considering fostering again. Either way, this foster parenting podcast is awesome and an amazing learning tool for anyone considering foster care/adoption. Or, just for anyone who knows someone (that means you!) who is fostering and would like to learn more about it.

You can find them at:
or 


Monday, December 10, 2012

Fingerprints

The next step is in the books...I was fingerprinted! They do it by live scan (no ink!) and send it straight to the FBI. Now I just mail my paperwork back to my agency so they can do what they need to do for my background check.

Here are a couple of shots for the memory book...


Live action of the live scan printing! (sorry its blurry...)



The live scan machine &... all done!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Step by Step

Making progress is good. And to me, being able to put real dates on the calendar is good progress in this journey. I spoke with my licensing agent this week and got some more details on being fingerprinted and my upcoming training. I now have exact dates of when this will be happening!

I will go to be fingerprinted on Monday. There are many dates and locations available for fingerprinting, but Monday’s times allow me to miss the least amount of work. So, Monday it is! I will just take my paperwork given to me by the agency and drop by and get printed. There will be no fee to me, as my agency pays for this process.

Now, training is a little further away than expected. During my in-home orientation she told me training would begin in January. This is true, but only of the week-night classes. As I have decided to do the Saturday classes, I have to wait until February. Both the week-night and Saturday sessions will end during the same week, they just start at different times. My first training class will be on Saturday, February 9th and will continue each Saturday through March 9th 

After March 9th, assuming my background check and Home Study have been completed (which it should be), I will officially be licensed and open for placements. So, for those who keep asking, “When will you get a kid?” My best answer is sometime after March 9th! So, yes, I could have a child placed with me as early as March. But giving an exact time is impossible as there are a variety of factors that play into placing a child.

The other big thing on my mind lately is that of child care. I have found resources to use, such as the YMCA after-school program, but I would really like to be able to offer my child a more one-on-one setting - at least part of the time. Please pray that someone will volunteer or that I will seek & find the right person for this job. In foster care you can't just hire anyone or drop off your child randomly at some one's house who is willing to care for them. Any individual that will care for the child must pass a background check first. They must be approved by the agency to care for the child. So, as you can imagine, that complicates things slightly.

Please pray that I find someone who:
  1. Has experience with kids, and can understand the 'special needs' that may accompany a foster child.
  2. Available from 3-6pm, M-F (or at least a few days) and maybe an hour in the morning (it all depends on the school schedules).
  3. Willing to submit to and pass a background check.
  4. Just an overall good match for me, my home, child, and pets.
 Thanks for all your prayers! Be on the look-out for another blog post soon. I have one I started to write, but never finished. Hopefully I can finally catch up on that one!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Crossing the Starting Line

I finally did it! I have officially crossed the starting line of this journey I've been rambling on and on about for months now.

Last Tuesday I had my in-home orientation. Leading up to this in-home meeting I was a bit stressed. But, it seemed to be a controlled stress. There was just too much to try to accomplish before that day to be overcome by the stress. Not knowing what exactly would happen during the meeting, or what they would be looking at, it was a bit difficult. But, in the end I decided not to stress the little stuff and just let God take care of everything.

Tuesday came and I worked half a day before heading home to walk Freckles and do one last run through the house. My licensing worker arrived and Freckles did NOT bark at her, something I had been praying about all morning! Go Freckles! However, he did huff & puff while watching us during our meeting. That was my bad, I realized later. I had put myself in a corner with the licensing worker on the outside. Freckles couldn't get to me and maybe thought she was a threat. As soon as I removed myself from the corner, he was fine and did good otherwise.

So, the meeting: we reviewed every form in my application packet. She just made sure everything was signed and filled out properly. She explained different things to make sure I understood what I was signing and answered any questions I had about the forms. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had a lot of questions about the Behaviors form. She was very helpful and explained every one that I had any question on. It made a big difference and allowed me to more confidently check the appropriate boxes. After fully reviewing the application packet and explaining some things to me, I was able to ask her questions (that weren't directly related to the application.) I had some I needed answers to and also got tips on questions to ask from other single foster parents I have connected with on Facebook. I ended up with about 14 on the official list. She was great about answering them all though. Between the application, discussion, and my questions, we sat and talked for almost an hour. I was thankful to have someone who seemed kind and wasn't annoyed by my endless questions.

She seemed impressed that I had not only typed up my questions and had them ready, but that I had made an excel spreadsheet to track my application packet. But let me tell you, if I hadn't made that spreadsheet, there is no way in the world that I could have kept track of all that stuff it in my head! I did it out of necessity, not just for fun or to impress anyone. But, towards the end of the meeting she did say that it seemed I was organized and had everything in order and that certain things/situations would go well for me because of that.

The final part of the meeting was a walk-through tour of the house. She just checked out each room and looked out the windows at the backyard. (That's good because my back patio, up against the house, is a disaster of leaves and other yard stuff that I never cleaned up!) We checked every smoke & Co2 detector - which Freckles "loved" - and then that was about it. She reminded me of the next steps and then was on her way.

So what are the next steps? Here is where I'm at...
  1. Fingerprints & Background Check: This week she is supposed to give me the information on where to get fingerprinted. Once I do that my background check will begin to process. Apparently they are experiencing long wait times for their checks, but there are a few more steps to get through before that really starts to matter.
  2. Training: Due to the holidays, all training is completed for this year. So, I will start training in January. I will have my choice of two different programs. One is a 9 wk course which includes one night a week for 9 consecutive weeks. The other is a 5 1/2 week course done on Saturdays. Both include the same information and same amount of training hours (27), so it is just a personal preference. For me, Saturdays are really going to work best, so that is the plan I'm going to request.
  3. Home Study: Once the background check is completed & approved, they can do the Home Study. They sometimes do it before training is done, but its different with each person. For those who don't know, the Home Study will involve more in-depth discussion on me, personally. Things such as how I was parented, how I plan/hope to parent, etc. I'm not sure of everything it involves, but I do know it is a pretty big deal.
Once those three steps have been completed, then they can find a placement for me. So, looking at the training schedule, it seems that I could have a placement as early as February or March. There is lots to do before then, but I'm sure that time is going to fly by so fast!

Thanks for all of your prayers and support that have helped me to make it this far! Be sure to keep an eye out for more posts and updates soon!

 (Sorry for the delayed update - I was out of town on vacation for Thanksgiving!)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

One Week...

One week from today an agency worker will be sitting in my home, and this journey will officially be under way. I’m excited, nervous, stressed, happy, and fearful. It seems that I am on the verge of one of the most difficult and most rewarding times of my life. There is so much yet to do and learn.

In this final week I’m just trying to stay calm, get as much done as possible, and trust that God will take care of the rest. Last night God answered one of my biggest prayers of the last 2 weeks. I realized that I had to put onto paper two emergency care givers. These people step in and care for the child for the first 24hrs, should I fall seriously ill, need to go to the ER, or have some other kind of emergency. From my understanding, they needed to be local and live on the IL side of the river. Now, I have few friends in this area, and even fewer on the IL side. My initial thoughts on who could fulfill this role did not work out. Thankfully, though, I had met some great people at church in recent months. Once I started praying about this, one person became clear pretty quickly. I asked and they agreed. The 2nd spot was a bit harder to nail down. I thought and prayed about it a lot and decided to ask another woman I met at church. Last night I got the word that she, too, would be willing (and even honored) to fill this need. I was so excited! I had been really nervous about this, but God has slowly, but surely been helping me to make connections, build relationships, and create the circle of support I so desperately need and have been praying for over the past few months. I will continue to pray on this subject, though, as there can never be enough good, supportive people in your life….especially when you are entering the world of foster care.

For this next week, these are the things I'm praying for, and asking you to pray for as well!
  1. For health and strength for me to accomplish all on my "to-do" list before the 20th.
  2. To see what is important and what isn’t…don’t stress over little things that don’t need to be stressed over!
  3. That I correctly filled out my application packet and won't have to redo any of it.
  4. That the agency worker will be kind, helpful, and find me worth moving forward in the process.
  5. That I know all of the right questions to ask, as well as hear & understand all of the important information.
  6. Wisdom to know what to do with all of the answers & information I receive that day, so that I know the best path for me moving forward.
  7. For Freckles & Charlie to be on their best behavior that day!

I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers! Please remember me on November 20th!


Monday, October 29, 2012

Jump Start

Every now and again in life our battery gets low and we need a bit of a jump start. Well, that has been me lately. Following surgery it has seemed that EVERYTHING has been running on low....energy, finances, motivation, vacation time, etc. This left me in a bit of a rut and feeling discouraged about my journey towards foster care. It just seemed so far away. I have been telling myself for a week or so now that I have to pull myself together and get refocused and motivated. Today, I got just the jump start I needed to propel me forward.

My agency called and wanted to follow-up on my request to become a foster parent. I explained that I hadn't contacted her again due to my surgery, and that it has just taken me longer to recover than I anticipated. I also told her I was thankful she called. It was just the motivation I needed. She wanted to go ahead and put an appointment on the calendar to do my in-home orientation, and, well, we did! So, on Tuesday, November 20th I will have my in-home meeting with her. We will review my full application & the process. We will discuss any questions and do a review of my home. I am both excited and nervous!!! There is SO much to do in the next couple weeks to get ready!

I would appreciate ALL prayers you can offer! I am going to need focus, strength, health, and energy to accomplish this part of the process before the 20th! Also, if you live in the St. Louis area and would be willing to come help do a bit of cleaning or yard work on Saturday, the 17th, please contact me! I would LOVE to have help to finish off everything and help me make sure I didn't miss anything.

Whew, I can't believe a date it set to officially cross the 'start line' of this journey. I'm excited, nervous, and just prayerful that everything turns out well.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Doctor Approved!

I apologize for the delay in updates. Life has been a bit crazy for me lately. Since beginning this journey I have had a lot of things come up against me. And lately this has started to become discouraging. I'm just trying to remain positive and remember that things don't always happen the way we want or expect them to happen. Still, the path and focus on this journey remains.

The latest update on that journey is that I am officially doctor approved! Last week I went and had the doc fill out the fun little form that said I'm not dying, can walk 50 yards, and that I don't have TB. It was actually a timely visit as I also had a sinus infection come up and he was able to prescribe some meds for that as well. But yeah, the main note is that he didn't find any reason, physically, that I shouldn't be able to parent. So, yay!

Next up on the docket is to finish the remaining paperwork, the surgery recovery (physically, financially, etc), and the house. As I mentioned, my timing has been thrown out the window over and over again. While I can say that I'll probably have the application finished in about a week, I'm not about to once again incorrectly predict when I'll be ready for my in-home orientation. For now, I'm going to just keep moving and doing my best. I'm praying that God will provide for every need along the way and move things in the best timing possible.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Behaviors

Last week I posted about points of focus and prayer in my life lately. However, one thing was left off that list. It was unintentional but, I guess it just wanted it's own little post! So, here ya go!

As I make my way through the application packet and begin to put pen to paper there are two areas that I'm really praying about. They are essentially the same general topic, but are separated out on two different forms. The topic is the child - who they are and what behaviors they demonstrate.

The first is to list out general details of the child. I tell them the age, sex, number, race, etc of children I would be willing to take. This is a question that I have thought a lot about in recent months and so this one was relatively  easy. I have a good idea of what I am open to, and then a wider second layer to discuss with the agency.

The other is a full sheet of "Behaviors you believe you can handle." I am supposed to "just" circle all of the behaviors I think I can handle and would be willing to take in a child. You may think this would be a relatively easy task to complete, but I'm finding it is not so simple. I understand that each child has different issues with which they have to deal, and I have my own limitations which I have to face as well. I guess it just feels odd to be "picking out" the behaviors my child will have. But, I also would like to note that the list of behaviors is all "negative" behaviors. It's not like I can say, "I want the most beautiful, smartest, healthiest child you've got!" No, not at all! I'm choosing between behaviors/characteristics such as Fighting, Bed-wetting, running away, being an illegitimate child, tantrums, being messy, having bad personal care habits, etc.  Sure, some of the behaviors are easy for me to circle or not. For example, I know I can handle a child that is quiet and a bit of a wallflower, but that I cannot take a severely handicapped child. Some behaviors I would like to be able to say yes to, but as a single-woman working full-time, its just not possible. (This is where doubts and guilt enter.) Then there are other behaviors listed that were a bit more complicated. On a couple I have gone back and forth as to the best answer for me and the child. I wish that there was an explanation or scale attached with each behavior listed. And by scale I mean, does this child just tantrum sometimes or have severe tantrums, the majority of the time? Things like that will make a difference in feeling that I am capable of being the best fit for them or not. I also realize that each child will be placed on a case-by-case basis and matched individually when that time comes. This questionnaire is more of a general survey from which to work. Even still, I feel it is especially important that I fully consider each of these things and my ability to bring them into my life. I want to make the best choice, but am struggling on what exactly that is. I think I need to remember this comment I heard on the subject:
Recognize your limitations and don’t feel guilty. This is a strength and will be most beneficial for the child.
My agency worker informed me that any questions can be discussed at my in-home orientation. So, I will definitely be discussing certain behaviors with her. For now, I will mark what I am confident in, pray about the others, and try to understand more about what my limitations might be.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Correction

I realized that an error occured while saving & posting my last entry. It didn't save any of my final changes. One item specifically was bugging me.

Here is what it said:

Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need and opportunity for adoption from FCfost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.
  It should have read:

Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need, and thus opportunity for adoption from FC is great. I do not plan on requesting only a fost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.
I know that wasn't a huge change, but it was missing a whole sentence in there! Oh well, have a great day!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Focus Topics

The past couple of days I have been quite out of it. Tired, not feeling well, etc. I think part of it is due to the fact that I'm still recovering from gallbladder surgery. (Doc says that could take months.) Another contributing factor could be that it seems a ton has been happening lately, while yet nothing at all at the same time. A ton has been happening in my head, but not necessarily in the real world. My brain is in overdrive trying to take in as much information as possible as I research foster care. I also have been thinking over and working through the application packet and all of the possibilities and choices I will have to make in the near future. Choices that could lead to both short-term and life-long changes to my life. I actually found some comfort from the worry of those choices while listening to an amazing podcast about foster care and adoption that I will share with you in a couple more weeks. But, I think that all of these factors and other life issues has culminated into me being moved to ask you for prayer. Here are some specific things I'm praying over currently:

  1. Community. I'm working to build a community around myself. I've begun attending a new church and getting plugged in there. I have been making contact with other single foster parents as well to hear thier stories and gain any advice possible. Pray that I will make the right connections locally and in the foster & adopt world.
  2. Finances. Being a single woman, this seems to be a topic for prayer quite often in my life. However, with the loss of some pay at work (due to surgery) and trying to get everything fixed and prepped in the house for FC, this has become an even greater point of focus.
  3. Children. I've been thinking about the kiddos in FC for quite some time. Every now and then I wonder if "my" child is already out there waiting for me. I think about what situation they are in now and how I'd love to be able to help them today. I've decided that what I really need to do is to pray for the children in FC and that the right child and I will be placed together as soon as possible.
  4. Foster Workers. I've been praying quite often that I will be matched up with amazing workers within my agency and county. Pray for good caseworkers, social workers, lawyers, judges, etc.
  5. Adoption. If you know my story much at all, you know that I want to adopt someday. I've learned that the need and opportunity for adoption from FCfost-adopt placement, but do plan to discuss this topic more with my agency.
  6. Child Care. As I work full-time, child-care will absolutely be necessary. The FC reimbursement will help to cover any cost associated with child-care, but that isn't really my concern. I want to be able to find the right fit for the everyday routine, as well as for other times that may arise. In FC you can't have just any teenager, or adult for that matter, babysit. There are specific requirements involved. I'm not 100% sure about IL yet, but I know in some states, for example, the regular caregivers must be fingerprinted.
  7. Wisdom & Knowledge. How is that for a request?! As I mentioned, I'm learning a lot about the system and what a crazy ride I have before me. There is still so much more to learn and I want to be able to soak it all in. I also need wisdom. This journey is going to require a lot of wisdom in many, many situations. Pray I will find the grace and wisdom to handle each step of the process in the best way possible.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Application Update

This past weekend I finally managed to thoroughly look at that inch-high stack of paperwork they call an application packet. There was so much there that it was difficult to really process the first time through. So, the second time around I decided I had to take some notes. Some of the forms require only information - ie, fill in the blanks. Some forms require a bit more than that. It is the latter, with all the extra tasks, that I really had to pay attention to closely. In the end I did what one of my oh-so-organized friends would be proud of me for doing: I created an Excel spreadsheet to track it all! I listed each form by name and ID number, if any additional tasks were involved, what they were, and ways to mark each completed. I feel a bit nerdy, but I really think it is the only way I'm going to stay organized and allow my feeble mind to process and track it all efficiently.

I've started working more and more on my own checklist of items as well. For example, this week I contacted the school district and found out which school my children would attend. I also contacted the local YMCA for information about their after-school "latchkey" program. The program offers child care, including games, homework help, snacks, etc. from the end of the school day until 6pm all for only $45/week. If you do the math, that is only $3/hr! And, another great feature of the program is that it is conducted in the school itself. The child never has to leave the building and the parent doesn't have to worry about transportation from one place to another. If I can have this program approved by the agency, I think it could be a great fit for me and my work schedule.

Anyway, you may be wondering about those "tasks" I mentioned earlier. Here are some of the tasks:
  • Installing smoke & CO2 detectors as prescribed by the agency/state
  • Verifying that the hot water from your faucet is below 115 degrees
  • Getting a physical and doctor's approval that you are healthy enough to parent
  • Getting a TB test
  • Collecting financial information such as your budget, pay stubs, and most recent taxes
  • Getting copies of pet records to prove they have their proper vaccinations
  • Collect References
I don't have my handy dandy little spreadsheet on me currently, so I can't remember them all. But, there is obviously more to do!

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I am behind on my original plan as far as timing goes. Now that I have the application in-hand I am getting a better idea on where the new time table is headed. There is still lots to do around the house, thanks to failing gallbladders. And, there is plenty to do with the application itself. My first dent into the application was purchasing C02 & smoke detectors to be installed according to the agency's instructions. I've also collected my references and made my appointment with the doctor, which is a nice gauge for that time table I mentioned. I will see the Dr. at the very end of this month. So, my application will not be complete until sometime after that date.

So, with all that said, I anticipate to have the application fully completed and schedule my in-home orientation for early October. That gives me more time to work on the house and all of the other tasks that need to be taken care of before then. Hopefully it will all come together smoothly and that, in the end, it will be accepted with grace!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

First Contact

This past Tuesday I succeeded in making first contact. I had previously emailed and bounced around a couple of phone calls before finally finding the individual that would be able to help me. Her name is Carmen. I called her on Tuesday morning, but she wasn't in the office yet. I left a message and a few hours later she returned my call. I was kind of excited. My first real contact with my possible future.

Carmen sounded nice as she asked me a few general questions and explained the first steps in the process of becoming a foster parent. She promised to mail out an application packet to me that day. Which, she obviously did because I received it today. (I'll talk about that in a moment.) I am to fill it out and give it to her when she will come to my home for an initial "orientation" of sorts and walk-through. She said we could schedule my in-home orientation with her at that moment or that I could wait until after I received my packet and reviewed how long I thought I might need. I chose the second option, partly because my house is not ready. Three months of being sick and unable to do much of anything obviously put me behind on my plans. So, I have some catching up to do. Plus, I also didn't know what all would be included in the packet and what kind of time I would need to complete it. Once I do make that call, Carmen will set up a visit and set me on the path to fingerprints, background checks, and training!

So, that application packet. It was here waiting for me when I arrived home today. After dinner I sat down and opened it up. The large envelope could have more appropriately be described as a small package! Inside was over an inch of paperwork. Forms to fill out, things to be done, and even a 'Foster Care Parent's Bill of Rights.' I'm not sure how to fill out some of what I saw, or if every plan of action (ie: having a land-line installed, Emergency Escape Routes established, Childcare set-up, etc) has to be fully enacted before the initial orientation. I believe a quick call to Carmen will be necessary.

But, it has begun! I would appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers as I figure out what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and how to do it. By the way, does anyone know the best way to determine the temperature of the hot water coming out of your faucets?! That may sound like a dumb question, but I've never really thought about it. There are regulations for how hot it can be if fostering children under the age of 10yrs. As I will be requesting children under 10, I will need to figure this one out.

Also, I could really use the prayers to find the right (local) community of people with whom to surround myself. I feel like a lonely jr. high kid praying for friends, but that is essentially what I've been doing. I have few friends in this area (and none my own age), but I work with them 99% of them. You see, while I desire and need the general support of peers & friendship, I am also going to need support in terms of after-school childcare and assistance if I get ill. I need some of those "villagers" closer to my house that can assist with the children. Please pray I can find the right people I can share friendships with and those who can support this journey in other ways.

Thank you for your support thus far. I will keep you updated as I work through the application packet and continue to get my home and myself ready for what is next.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Another Place at the Table

Another Place at the Table is the story of Kathy & Bruce Harrison’s experiences as foster parents. And, for them, the book title is very appropriate. In the Harrison house, there was always room for one more. Over the years they have fostered more than 100 children, adopting 3 of them. They also had three of their own children prior to fostering. But, they generally had 6-8 little kids in their house at one time!
When I opened the book, I realized it was different than I expected. For some reason I thought it was supposed to be similar to the other Foster book I read, giving me specific details, rules, and situations that may arise. While it wasn’t set up anything like the other book, it provided more information than I could have expected. I loved it. And, for anyone who knows my reading habits, you will find it quite the miracle that I finished it in less than a week! It is an amazing resource for learning what can really go on in foster care. I definitely plan on reading it again.

The book, which was written by Kathy, shared all kinds of her real-life experiences. (To me, it seems nothing can be more valuable when trying to learn about this world.) While it would be impossible to tell the stories of every child she had cared for, Kathy decided to focus on the stories and her time with just a handful. Even so, there were so many names floating around I was still confused at times! You see, there are a lot of people involved in the care of a foster child. The child, the birth-parents, the social workers, lawyers, therapists, case workers, judges, etc etc. I don’t know how she kept track of everything for so many children at once!

Anyway, I think the reason I loved this book is that the author didn’t try to sugar-coat anything. As a foster parent she could have sat there and defended it and said it’s all good and try to convince anyone reading to sign-up today! However, that wasn’t the case. Kathy was straight-forward and honest about the System and the troubles for which it is famous. More than once she shared her frustrations concerning the lack of support she or a specific child received, the actions of particular lawyers, or the system overall. It is by no means perfect and she can testify to that more than most. It wouldn't always heal a child or fix a family. She learned that she couldn't really save everyone and sometimes only offered the "illusion of help" for a family.
"To Foster meant learning to be satisfied with giving Band-Aids to children and families who needed intensive care."
But she doesn’t completely slam the system either. Nothing is perfect and Social Services does save lives through Foster Care. This too is proven in her story. She shared the many successes that took place in the lives of some of her children. She pointed out some excellent Social Workers, Lawyers, and Therapists DO exist and the impact that they can make in the life of a child. As Kathy said, there are “just enough miracles in foster care to keep hope alive.”

Kathy and Bruce saw it all. They mostly took quite difficult cases and were a Hot-line, or Emergency, foster family. This means that they could get a phone, day or night, letting them know that a child needed a place to stay immediately, sometimes within the hour. Emergency fostering is not in my plans. Maybe if I was married and could be a stay-at-home parent, that would be a possibility. But, for now, my hope is to be placed with a child that will stay for a while. I would like to have them in my care long enough to really connect with them and hopefully make a positive impact. I think that would be hard to do if you only have them in your home for a few hours or days until Social Services finds a placement for them. However, I am sure to do some shorter placements, as that is the nature of foster care.

I enjoyed reading the stories of someone who has actually done this. The joys and healing. The struggles and the heartbreaks. She said of her first real heartbreak, that it made made her feel that she could legitimately claim the title of foster parent. It comes with the territory. Also, she shared a lot about her interaction with the birth parents. She often struggled in dealing with the birth parents who allowed a child to be hurt. Sosometimes found grace enough to see them for more than just the enemy. She said,
"I knew that what might seem like pure evil usually had a second face, the face from a time when they too were small and hurt and no one had rescued them. They were harder to hate than you might expect."
Unfortunately, they were never "rescued" by foster care or had anyone to hold their hand and teach them a better way. As much as she wanted to hate them, and sometimes did, some of them landed on a softer place in her heart. Plus, often the kids still very much love their parents and harboring and displaying hate towards them would be of benefit to no one. I admit, this is something I'm going to struggle with and am already not looking forward to doing. It will be hard to see these kids, but then to have to routinely face the person responsible for them being in this situation will be very very difficult. I already have anger towards people who abuse and neglect children. I am already praying that I will be able to find grace...and lots of it...for the benefit of the child, as well as my own peace of mind.

Kathy basically covered it all. From the system to the behaviors that come with a child who has been abused and neglected and forced to move from place to place. It is difficult. She wasn't always perfect and freely shared her mistakes. She also shared how, over time, she learned not to be as upset or distraught over certain things. Or, how to handle a situations differently. These were all good lessons for me. The lessons, I imagine, will have to be learned first hand to truly materialize, but having this heads up is definitely a good place to start.
This post doesn't nearly do the book or my thoughts on the book justice. (You should consider reading it for yourself!) It really inspired, challenged, and informed me of what foster care can look like. At times it made me angry, sad, tearful, and even happy too. It also made me excited and hopeful for possibilities of helping a child in need. Its going to be hard, and I have plenty more to learn. But, to see the change that can be made in a child leads me to believe that hope is indeed still alive, and I must do all I can to keep it that way.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Catching Up

It feels like forever since I have posted! Life has been a bit crazy as I have been completely drained from this whole gallbladder fiasco. But, I'm back (sort of) and trying to get caught up on, well, EVERYTHING! So, here is the latest update on the surgery, life, and the path to fostering.

Surgery
My surgery went well. My gallbladder was removed laparoscopically as planned. The only catch up was that I spent almost twice as long in the OR recovery than expected. I was struggling a bit to breathe properly and wake up. I also was a bit sick. Luckily though, I recovered in time to still get to go home that night. I honestly think that they were on the edge of having to keep me (as the outpatient center was closing), but I’m glad I got to go home. My parents and cousin were here to take care of me. My parents had to leave the next day, but my cousin stayed for the rest of the week. She was replaced by my brother who came and helped me out for a few more days. It has been 4 weeks now since the surgery and I’m just now starting to see some improvement. 2 days ago was the first time I noticed that I could yawn or take a deep breath without feeling as if I was being stabbed in the side. There is still some pain and various issues I'm trying to get under control. Energy is still eluding me, but I’ve heard that it can take months to fully recover that. I’m learning what I can eat and not eat and making general progress. So, all is on the mend there I think.

Vacation
My annual family vacation landed 3 weeks after surgery. I was dreading the thought that I might not be able to go. I went to see my surgeon at the beginning of week 3 (after my family had already landed in Iowa and set up camp) and hoped that he would give me one more week of recovery time before returning to work. He offered me 2-3 more weeks! I told him I should only take one more week as I was already out of leave time at work. I really did need the recovery time, but it also allowed me to go be with my family. I was able to spend the 2nd half of the week with my family in Knoxville as normal. Well, not quite “normal.” I spent the week walking around town being pushed around in a wheel chair as opposed to walking like everyone else. And, I napped a lot…and couldn’t eat all the wonderful “vacation food” I usually enjoy. But hey, I was there and that made me happy!

Updated & New Needs/Wish List
In the near future, a few of the tabs up top will be updated. The wish/need list has been mostly updated already. I changed the format a bit and added/removed some items. I'll be sure to let you all know when more updates are completed.

Books
Books, books, books! I would like to collect more books. If you or someone you know has any age appropriate (6-10yrs old) books they would like to send my way, I would greatly appreciate it! I just recently purchased 2 new books written specifically for Foster Kids, to help them understand what is happening and to know they are not alone. They both include a guide for adults at the end to talk through the thoughts and emotions that may arise in the children as a result of reading the book. I'm excited to have received these books yesterday! I think they will be a great tool for the kids that come into my home. 

I also purchased one for myself on Fostering. I started it last night and am very excited about it so far. It is written by someone who has fostered for many many years and I can already tell that it is going to be an excellent tool for me. I'll be sure to post a review when I've completed it.

Thoughts on Fostering
While I was laid up for 3 weeks I didn't have the ability to clean, decorate, or shop for the kiddos. I, however, did a lot of thinking. Months ago I told someone that I kind of thought that I wanted to request a boy, but didn't know if that was "kosher" in the System. I've worked with lots of kids over the years and always connected best with the boys. Not sure why, that is just how it has happened. And so, of course, that would lead me to lean in that direction. I thought about it more and decided that I would happily be open to either a boy or girl and would prepare for both. During this past month I began feeling more and more drawn to the idea of having a little girl, pink bows and all. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a girly girl at all. I'm a tomboy all the way. Which is why I find these thoughts fascinating, day-dreaming so much about decorating the room, shopping, etc all for a girl. I will still be opening my home to either a boy or a girl, but it kind of makes me wonder if I will be matched with a girl in the end. Either way, I will be doing my best for them.

Latest Projects
Wow, the project list in my head is extensive! I can't count how many lists I've written down, typed up, or put into my phone. I really need to regather them all into one master list for me to check off as I move forward. But, currently I'm trying to finish dressing up the kiddos' room. I have decided on a butterfly theme for a girl and airplanes (yay!) for boys. This weekend I plan to purchase the supplies to make an over-the-bed wall art piece for the girls which, of course, is inspired by something I saw on Pinterest. I've also picked up a few crayons, scissors, markers, and notebook during the Back-to-School sale. I need MUCH more of that kind of thing and art supplies, but it was a small start. Anyone wanting to donate in that area is more than welcomed to do so!

Beginning the Process
After a little research and talking to a local foster parent, I decided that it can be beneficial to use an agency and that a great agency to check out is the Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois. I emailed them a while back. I realized that I hadn't heard back from them and that it is probably due to the fact that I had emailed them from my old address, that was hacked and shut down. I contacted them again a couple of days ago and got a quick response. They informed me that they would forward my information to my local office and gave me the name and phone number of a woman in that office that I can personally contact. So, my name is out there! I will give them a week or so to contact me and then I will call the office. I'm hoping to be able to attend an orientation session they offer for prospective foster parents. I'm unsure of how often they offer them, so I'm not sure there are any upcoming. However, I'm already committed to this journey and so that may not be that big of a deal. I hope to learn the timing of the required training and the step-by-step processes of their particular office. There is a lot of information to collect and hopefully I can nail down what steps come next very soon. Even though I am behind on my planned preparations, as far as the house is concerned, due to my illness, it will be good to get a more official looking map on how to get where I want to go.

I know this is a lot, but if you made it all the way through, thanks for reading! Now that I'm back from the dead, updates will hopefully be posted more often and thus shorter!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Progress

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have no plans of taking this fostering journey off of the table. I am still, little by little, making progress on the kids' bedroom. Between item donations and money raised through the garage sale and raffle, here is some of what is in place so far:

  • Bed & Pillows
  • Couple of sheet sets
  • Dresser
  • Blinds & Curtains
  • Storage bins for closet & underneath the bed
  • Laundry basket
  • Some books & toys
  • Some various clothing items (mostly shirts)
  • Backpacks & tote bags
  • A few art supplies (crayons, markers, watercolors, colored pencils, scissors)
  • 2 bicycle helmets & a left-handed baseball glove
Whew! What progress! My latest accomplishment is a space-saving bookshelf display inspired by Pinterest. I found a few great ideas on that site, but none quite fit within the budget I wanted. So, I created my own version using the same concept, but different supplies. I went in search of items to use and ended up at my favorite store, the Dollar Tree, where I ended up with these wire dish racks. I tried other options during my in-store testing with Gatorade bottles, but these were the strongest. Including the racks, no-slip material, and screws (from Wal-Mart), it cost me just under $10! Here is the final result! (Sorry for the poor photo quality - it was taken with my phone.)


I did get a roll of that no-slip stuff as I thought it would be necessary. But, it seemed to work just fine without it when I tossed all of these books on for testing. I may still experiment and see which works best. For now, I'm pretty proud of my little project and am excited to have nice display shelves to inspire the kids to pick one up and read it. 

As you can see, there is plenty of room for more books. If you or anyone you know has books that they would be willing to donate (that would be appropriate for children between the ages of 6-10 years old) please contact me. I would love to have more! Most of what I have now is for the younger readers and would like to have plenty of options for both ends of the age range. On my end, I will continue to shop garage sales & Goodwill/Salvation Army.

Well, this will be the last progress & update on the kids' room for at least a few weeks while I am recovering from surgery. I look forward to be able to do more on the room and getting things ready. Until then, I'll just decorate in my head!



Changes & Challenges

Two things I was fully expecting with this journey is change & challenges. I guess I just didn't expect them so early in the journey - before I have even officially applied to be a Foster parent. Lots of things have been changing in my personal life recently and some are proving to be quite a challenge as well. 


First, my email address has changed. A few weeks ago it was hacked beyond recovery. I still have the same name of 'soletmefall' but it is now '@live.com' instead of hotmail. That was quite a change. You never realize how many things you really have attached to your email address until you have to update what feels like a million other accounts!


Second, as you may or may not know, I have been reaaly sick since the beginning of June. After many visits to doctors, & just as many tests, it was determined that my gallbladder has failed and is no longer functioning properly. It was decided that they would remove it the week after my family's annual vacation, on August 17th. However, after continuing to have attacks and pressure from those around me, I called the surgeon. He moved my surgery to THIS Tuesday, the 24th. This was a heart-breaking change for me. I was trying to be strong and hold out until after my family vacation, but my body and world around me would not stand for it. My annual trip to Knoxville, IA is more than just a "vacation" away from work. It is the one time of year I actually get to spend real time with my family. Sure, I see them on holidays, but I'm only there for a couple days and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off to get everything accomplished. Knoxville with my family is a tradition of more than 20 years that really feels like home. I cry at the thought of missing it. There is a 1% chance I could still go for part of the week, but I doubt it will happen. Then again, 1% is still a chance. I will just pray God will provide a way through all the challenges.


Missing my family time in Iowa is not the only challenge created by my health issue. With a lack of sick & vacation time (from my previous injury) and living on a paycheck-to-paycheck budget, I will be out of leave time at work and out of money at home. Being stretched too thin on these two fronts will mean that I probably won't have the time or money to stick to my plan of officially applying to Foster in September. I will have to delay that by at least a month or two. It has not been taken off the table by any means. It is just going  through some timing changes. Once I recover from all of the challenges of my current situation, I will be making that phone call!

I know these are just normal life changes and challenges and not comparable to the changes & challenges to come. However, at this time they seem pretty big to me. I feel like I have been handed quite a few challenges since committing to this journey towards fostering, but I also feel like God is going to take care of everything. If you have a spare moment, I would appreciate your prayers for my surgery on Tuesday, the next couple of weeks of recovery, and the challenges that will last into the next month or two. Thank you for all of your support and for following my journey!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

And the Winners are....

This past Saturday, July 7th, the winners of the Raffle were chosen. And the winners are....


A Night Out:
Nancy Gifford

Massage:
Jenny Dubois

Louisburg:
Dennis Whiteside

Thank you to everyone who purchased a ticket! It was a great success and brought in a total of $210!!! I was amazed and so thankful for all of that support! A special thanks to my parents, brother, and the Kattau Family for selling tickets for me! I appreciate all of your help in that department! 

Friday, June 22, 2012

2 Weeks To Go

Only 2 weeks left before the winners will be drawn! So get your ticket soon! 
Here are some photos....the prizes really DO exist!




DINNER & A MOVIE
$10 Quick Trip Gift Card
Dinner for 2 at Red Robin
2 AMC Movie Passes
Price Chopper Coupon Book
Candy 


MASSAGE
Candles
Chocolates
Lotion
Price Chopper Coupon Book
 60 minute Massage at In Good Hands Massage  



LOUISBURG
2 Free Hair Cuts at Skeeter’s Barber Shop
$10 Phillips 66 Gift Card
$10 Lucille’s Gift Card
Price Chopper Coupon Book


Monday, June 18, 2012

Garage Sale Results

We did it! After much preparation and hours of sitting out in the heat, the Garage Sale is complete!

Saturday turned out to be a great day! In the morning we had clear skies and plenty of sun and heat to go around, but absolutely NO rain! God kept the rain away and your prayers for customers surely paid off!

We officially opened at 7am, although we had customers coming in almost 20 minutes before that as we were still trying to set up! Our street signs weren’t even up, so they must have seen the ads online or just happened to drive by and stop. Either way, we had a steady stream of customers from that point until about 11 or 11:30. By that time it was getting really hot and I’m sure many had headed indoors for some AC or lunch. The rest of the day it was slower. There were still customers stopping by, just not as many. We closed up at 2pm and then headed indoors to get some AC and rest for ourselves.

While we did sell a lot of stuff, I do have some items leftover. Luckily, most of these items are things that could be sold down other avenues. In the next couple of weeks I will be photographing and posting these remaining items on Craigslist. Hopefully the items will sell quickly and my garage can return to it's pre-sale state! (At least I can already fit my car in there again!) The other items will take a bit more thought, but they will possibly be donated to other families. I have a couple of ideas, but just need to decide what would be best.

In the end, the garage sale was a great success. I had lots of items donated to sell, the weather cooperated, we had shopper after shopper, and my family came to help me run it all! The point of the sale was to raise money to help prepare a kid's room and the overall house for a Home Study and eventual placement of a foster child. To that effort, the grand total came to $209 !!!! That was far more than I was expecting to raise from a garage sale, but so very thankful for every last penny! God is definitely providing and I can't wait to see what will happen next!
.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, tomorrow...it's only a day away!!!

And so is the highly anticipated Garage Sale! It is finally here! I have been working hard to get everything collected, organized, and priced over the past few weeks. And, despite being sick for the past week, God has somehow managed to give me the strength to do it all. Tonight my parents and brother will arrive, we will finish up last minute preps, and then be up with the sun setting up and awaiting our shoppers.

The weather forecast is good for tomorrow morning, so pray that it stays that way. Also pray that shopper after shopper will stop by and find something they just can't leave without. Hopefully there won't be much to clean up at the end of the day!

And, a special note about Sunday. Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! I will be enjoying Father's Day with my family by taking in a KC Royals vs St. Louis Cardinals game at Busch. It will be fun having my two favorite teams dueling it out with the whole family there to enjoy it along with me! They will surely be wearing all blue and I, I will be wearing red AND blue!
Go Cards!! Go KC!!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Garage Sale Update

The Garage/Yard sale is one week away (from tomorrow). Although my body is becoming exhausted and sore, things are still getting done and moving forward. I am happy to say that I will definitely have to move my car out of its nice safe home in the garage this weekend! (It barely fits in there now with all of the sale items I already have in there.) But, I still have a dining table, coffee table, small entertainment center, and quite a few other items that I haven’t even moved out there. Including a trunk full of stuff I collected from co-workers just today. Lucky for me, I have a number of co-workers with full closets, basements, and garages that have so kindly donated bags, boxes, and even van & truckloads of items to sell. It seems I'm finding more items each day. So, it looks like there will be plenty to sell! 

The key is to have good weather & lots of shoppers!!! Please pray for these two key pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I will advertise as much as I can to try to bring in the shoppers, but there isn’t a thing I can do about the weather. Currently the forecast looks good for that day, but you never know. Hopefully God will provide a wonderfully dry and sunny day!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

New Page

Seems I have lot to say today! Just wanted to point out that there has been a new tab added at the top of the page for specific Prayer Requests & Praises.

Also, "The List (Needs)" tab has been updated. The list is getting shorter! :)

Tools

Over the past couple of weeks I have been reading the book, 'Practical Tools for Foster Parents.' It was a pretty good book. I'm not sure there is an amazing book of Fostering. Rules & regulations vary from state to state and  so it would be difficult to present a book that is extremely detailed. But, this particular book was put together by the Boys & Girls Town and did a good job of covering basic parenting skills associated with Fostering.

As a Foster Parent you are constantly monitored and it seems that it really does "take a village" to raise a child. Foster parents (FP's) are just one player on a large team of people that are working together for the benefit of the child. Aside from the Foster Parents, you have the Case Worker, Teachers, Counselors, and of course, the biological family. Not all kids are granted visitation with their family, but most are. Especially as returning to their family is the ultimate goal. The FP's are also subject to a variety of rules and regulations presented by their particular state. It takes a lot of effort to make this machine work. Unfortunately, there are an abundance of stories out there proving that Foster Care is anything but a well-oiled machine.

Knowing that to be the case, I want to go in as prepared as possible. Reading this book was just one step towards that goal. As I said, it gave a good overview. Things to think about when interacting with your Foster Child, the Team, and your own friends and family. It gave basic tools for parenting as well as universal fostering guidelines that should apply regardless of your state.  

It was a beneficial read and something I will probably read again when I get closer to actually bringing a child into the home. For now, I'm on the search for more books that would be beneficial. I know a lot of you are parents, so,

What parenting books have you read and would recommend?

They don't have to be specifically related to fostering, but it would be helpful if they covered subjects related to troubled, difficult, & emotionally hurt children.

Thanks for all of your recommendations in advance! I look forward to seeing what tools are out there to help me prepare.
 

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