First Contact

This past Tuesday I succeeded in making first contact. I had previously emailed and bounced around a couple of phone calls before finally finding the individual that would be able to help me. Her name is Carmen. I called her on Tuesday morning, but she wasn't in the office yet. I left a message and a few hours later she returned my call. I was kind of excited. My first real contact with my possible future.

Carmen sounded nice as she asked me a few general questions and explained the first steps in the process of becoming a foster parent. She promised to mail out an application packet to me that day. Which, she obviously did because I received it today. (I'll talk about that in a moment.) I am to fill it out and give it to her when she will come to my home for an initial "orientation" of sorts and walk-through. She said we could schedule my in-home orientation with her at that moment or that I could wait until after I received my packet and reviewed how long I thought I might need. I chose the second option, partly because my house is not ready. Three months of being sick and unable to do much of anything obviously put me behind on my plans. So, I have some catching up to do. Plus, I also didn't know what all would be included in the packet and what kind of time I would need to complete it. Once I do make that call, Carmen will set up a visit and set me on the path to fingerprints, background checks, and training!

So, that application packet. It was here waiting for me when I arrived home today. After dinner I sat down and opened it up. The large envelope could have more appropriately be described as a small package! Inside was over an inch of paperwork. Forms to fill out, things to be done, and even a 'Foster Care Parent's Bill of Rights.' I'm not sure how to fill out some of what I saw, or if every plan of action (ie: having a land-line installed, Emergency Escape Routes established, Childcare set-up, etc) has to be fully enacted before the initial orientation. I believe a quick call to Carmen will be necessary.

But, it has begun! I would appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers as I figure out what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and how to do it. By the way, does anyone know the best way to determine the temperature of the hot water coming out of your faucets?! That may sound like a dumb question, but I've never really thought about it. There are regulations for how hot it can be if fostering children under the age of 10yrs. As I will be requesting children under 10, I will need to figure this one out.

Also, I could really use the prayers to find the right (local) community of people with whom to surround myself. I feel like a lonely jr. high kid praying for friends, but that is essentially what I've been doing. I have few friends in this area (and none my own age), but I work with them 99% of them. You see, while I desire and need the general support of peers & friendship, I am also going to need support in terms of after-school childcare and assistance if I get ill. I need some of those "villagers" closer to my house that can assist with the children. Please pray I can find the right people I can share friendships with and those who can support this journey in other ways.

Thank you for your support thus far. I will keep you updated as I work through the application packet and continue to get my home and myself ready for what is next.

Another Place at the Table

Another Place at the Table is the story of Kathy & Bruce Harrison’s experiences as foster parents. And, for them, the book title is very appropriate. In the Harrison house, there was always room for one more. Over the years they have fostered more than 100 children, adopting 3 of them. They also had three of their own children prior to fostering. But, they generally had 6-8 little kids in their house at one time!

When I opened the book, I realized it was different than I expected. For some reason I thought it was supposed to be similar to the other Foster book I read, giving me specific details, rules, and situations that may arise. While it wasn’t set up anything like the other book, it provided more information than I could have expected. I loved it. And, for anyone who knows my reading habits, you will find it quite the miracle that I finished it in less than a week! It is an amazing resource for learning what can really go on in foster care. I definitely plan on reading it again.

The book, which was written by Kathy, shared all kinds of her real-life experiences. (To me, it seems nothing can be more valuable when trying to learn about this world.) While it would be impossible to tell the stories of every child she had cared for, Kathy decided to focus on the stories and her time with just a handful. Even so, there were so many names floating around I was still confused at times! You see, there are a lot of people involved in the care of a foster child. The child, the birth-parents, the social workers, lawyers, therapists, case workers, judges, etc etc. I don’t know how she kept track of everything for so many children at once!

Anyway, I think the reason I loved this book is that the author didn’t try to sugar-coat anything. As a foster parent she could have sat there and defended it and said it’s all good and try to convince anyone reading to sign-up today! However, that wasn’t the case. Kathy was straight-forward and honest about the System and the troubles for which it is famous. More than once she shared her frustrations concerning the lack of support she or a specific child received, the actions of particular lawyers, or the system overall. It is by no means perfect and she can testify to that more than most. It wouldn't always heal a child or fix a family. She learned that she couldn't really save everyone and sometimes only offered the "illusion of help" for a family.

"To Foster meant learning to be satisfied with giving Band-Aids to children and families who needed intensive care."

But she doesn’t completely slam the system either. Nothing is perfect and Social Services does save lives through Foster Care. This too is proven in her story. She shared the many successes that took place in the lives of some of her children. She pointed out some excellent Social Workers, Lawyers, and Therapists DO exist and the impact that they can make in the life of a child. As Kathy said, there are “just enough miracles in foster care to keep hope alive.”

Kathy and Bruce saw it all. They mostly took quite difficult cases and were a Hot-line, or Emergency, foster family. This means that they could get a phone, day or night, letting them know that a child needed a place to stay immediately, sometimes within the hour. Emergency fostering is not in my plans. Maybe if I was married and could be a stay-at-home parent, that would be a possibility. But, for now, my hope is to be placed with a child that will stay for a while. I would like to have them in my care long enough to really connect with them and hopefully make a positive impact. I think that would be hard to do if you only have them in your home for a few hours or days until Social Services finds a placement for them. However, I am sure to do some shorter placements, as that is the nature of foster care.

I enjoyed reading the stories of someone who has actually done this. The joys and healing. The struggles and the heartbreaks. She said of her first real heartbreak, that it made made her feel that she could legitimately claim the title of foster parent. It comes with the territory. Also, she shared a lot about her interaction with the birth parents. She often struggled in dealing with the birth parents who allowed a child to be hurt. Sosometimes found grace enough to see them for more than just the enemy. She said,

"I knew that what might seem like pure evil usually had a second face, the face from a time when they too were small and hurt and no one had rescued them. They were harder to hate than you might expect."

Unfortunately, they were never "rescued" by foster care or had anyone to hold their hand and teach them a better way. As much as she wanted to hate them, and sometimes did, some of them landed on a softer place in her heart. Plus, often the kids still very much love their parents and harboring and displaying hate towards them would be of benefit to no one. I admit, this is something I'm going to struggle with and am already not looking forward to doing. It will be hard to see these kids, but then to have to routinely face the person responsible for them being in this situation will be very very difficult. I already have anger towards people who abuse and neglect children. I am already praying that I will be able to find grace...and lots of it...for the benefit of the child, as well as my own peace of mind.

Kathy basically covered it all. From the system to the behaviors that come with a child who has been abused and neglected and forced to move from place to place. It is difficult. She wasn't always perfect and freely shared her mistakes. She also shared how, over time, she learned not to be as upset or distraught over certain things. Or, how to handle a situations differently. These were all good lessons for me. The lessons, I imagine, will have to be learned first hand to truly materialize, but having this heads up is definitely a good place to start.

This post doesn't nearly do the book or my thoughts on the book justice. (You should consider reading it for yourself!) It really inspired, challenged, and informed me of what foster care can look like. At times it made me angry, sad, tearful, and even happy too. It also made me excited and hopeful for possibilities of helping a child in need. Its going to be hard, and I have plenty more to learn. But, to see the change that can be made in a child leads me to believe that hope is indeed still alive, and I must do all I can to keep it that way.

Catching Up

It feels like forever since I have posted! Life has been a bit crazy as I have been completely drained from this whole gallbladder fiasco. But, I'm back (sort of) and trying to get caught up on, well, EVERYTHING! So, here is the latest update on the surgery, life, and the path to fostering.

Surgery

My surgery went well. My gallbladder was removed laparoscopically as planned. The only catch up was that I spent almost twice as long in the OR recovery than expected. I was struggling a bit to breathe properly and wake up. I also was a bit sick. Luckily though, I recovered in time to still get to go home that night. I honestly think that they were on the edge of having to keep me (as the outpatient center was closing), but I’m glad I got to go home. My parents and cousin were here to take care of me. My parents had to leave the next day, but my cousin stayed for the rest of the week. She was replaced by my brother who came and helped me out for a few more days. It has been 4 weeks now since the surgery and I’m just now starting to see some improvement. 2 days ago was the first time I noticed that I could yawn or take a deep breath without feeling as if I was being stabbed in the side. There is still some pain and various issues I'm trying to get under control. Energy is still eluding me, but I’ve heard that it can take months to fully recover that. I’m learning what I can eat and not eat and making general progress. So, all is on the mend there I think.

Vacation

My annual family vacation landed 3 weeks after surgery. I was dreading the thought that I might not be able to go. I went to see my surgeon at the beginning of week 3 (after my family had already landed in Iowa and set up camp) and hoped that he would give me one more week of recovery time before returning to work. He offered me 2-3 more weeks! I told him I should only take one more week as I was already out of leave time at work. I really did need the recovery time, but it also allowed me to go be with my family. I was able to spend the 2^nd half of the week with my family in Knoxville as normal. Well, not quite “normal.” I spent the week walking around town being pushed around in a wheel chair as opposed to walking like everyone else. And, I napped a lot…and couldn’t eat all the wonderful “vacation food” I usually enjoy. But hey, I was there and that made me happy!

Updated & New Needs/Wish List

In the near future, a few of the tabs up top will be updated. The wish/need list has been mostly updated already. I changed the format a bit and added/removed some items. I'll be sure to let you all know when more updates are completed.

Books

Books, books, books! I would like to collect more books. If you or someone you know has any age appropriate (6-10yrs old) books they would like to send my way, I would greatly appreciate it! I just recently purchased 2 new books written specifically for Foster Kids, to help them understand what is happening and to know they are not alone. They both include a guide for adults at the end to talk through the thoughts and emotions that may arise in the children as a result of reading the book. I'm excited to have received these books yesterday! I think they will be a great tool for the kids that come into my home. 

I also purchased one for myself on Fostering. I started it last night and am very excited about it so far. It is written by someone who has fostered for many many years and I can already tell that it is going to be an excellent tool for me. I'll be sure to post a review when I've completed it.

Thoughts on Fostering

While I was laid up for 3 weeks I didn't have the ability to clean, decorate, or shop for the kiddos. I, however, did a lot of thinking. Months ago I told someone that I kind of thought that I wanted to request a boy, but didn't know if that was "kosher" in the System. I've worked with lots of kids over the years and always connected best with the boys. Not sure why, that is just how it has happened. And so, of course, that would lead me to lean in that direction. I thought about it more and decided that I would happily be open to either a boy or girl and would prepare for both. During this past month I began feeling more and more drawn to the idea of having a little girl, pink bows and all. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a girly girl at all. I'm a tomboy all the way. Which is why I find these thoughts fascinating, day-dreaming so much about decorating the room, shopping, etc all for a girl. I will still be opening my home to either a boy or a girl, but it kind of makes me wonder if I will be matched with a girl in the end. Either way, I will be doing my best for them.

Latest Projects

Wow, the project list in my head is extensive! I can't count how many lists I've written down, typed up, or put into my phone. I really need to regather them all into one master list for me to check off as I move forward. But, currently I'm trying to finish dressing up the kiddos' room. I have decided on a butterfly theme for a girl and airplanes (yay!) for boys. This weekend I plan to purchase the supplies to make an over-the-bed wall art piece for the girls which, of course, is inspired by something I saw on Pinterest. I've also picked up a few crayons, scissors, markers, and notebook during the Back-to-School sale. I need MUCH more of that kind of thing and art supplies, but it was a small start. Anyone wanting to donate in that area is more than welcomed to do so!

Beginning the Process
After a little research and talking to a local foster parent, I decided that it can be beneficial to use an agency and that a great agency to check out is the Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois. I emailed them a while back. I realized that I hadn't heard back from them and that it is probably due to the fact that I had emailed them from my old address, that was hacked and shut down. I contacted them again a couple of days ago and got a quick response. They informed me that they would forward my information to my local office and gave me the name and phone number of a woman in that office that I can personally contact. So, my name is out there! I will give them a week or so to contact me and then I will call the office. I'm hoping to be able to attend an orientation session they offer for prospective foster parents. I'm unsure of how often they offer them, so I'm not sure there are any upcoming. However, I'm already committed to this journey and so that may not be that big of a deal. I hope to learn the timing of the required training and the step-by-step processes of their particular office. There is a lot of information to collect and hopefully I can nail down what steps come next very soon. Even though I am behind on my planned preparations, as far as the house is concerned, due to my illness, it will be good to get a more official looking map on how to get where I want to go.

I know this is a lot, but if you made it all the way through, thanks for reading! Now that I'm back from the dead, updates will hopefully be posted more often and thus shorter!