The final session started off with a "panel." It was only two people, so it wasn't quite what I expected. One was a Placement Worker and talked a million miles per hour. When we asked questions, she did well answering, but she had her infant with her and seemed more interested in getting out of there. The other woman was from the health side of the team. She came more prepared, with folders full of info and paperwork for us. She didn't talk much, though. Both were beneficial, but I wish they had more prepared material and time to present it. After they left, we had some discussion and open question and answer with our trainers.
So, how has all of this training affected my attitude, understanding, and feelings about foster care? Well, going in I was both excited and scared about becoming a foster parent. Coming out, I'm more scared and less excited. That sounds bad, but let me explain. I got the truth from people that have done it for years. I heard the horror stories and saw the children in the system brought to life. In almost every class our trainers would start to tell a story or explain something, stop, look at the other trainer, and while half laughing say, "we're going to scare them all away!" There was something in every session that could scare people away. So, while some of my fears changed (some increased & some decreased), my overall level of fear remained about the same. And, I am still excited about being a positive part of a child's life, if only momentarily. I just don't know if "excited" is the right word for how I feel about the experience as a whole. How can you be excited about children being abused & neglected? How can you be excited about that child being taken from their family, friends, school, pets, favorite teddy bear, & special blankey to go live with strangers in a strange place? How can you be excited about red tape and adults who sometimes forget that the best interests of the children are the priority? How can you be excited about a child who strives to fit in and be good, but is so hurt emotionally and developmentally behind that they just can't keep up? How can you be excited about hurting children who can't trust and won't let you love them (because they don't even know what that should look like)? How can you be excited about children you can't tell, "Don't worry, you are safe here." because they have no understanding of what "safe" is? I may be more scared, but I am also more motivated. This is going to be the most important, difficult, and rewarding job I will ever do. I'm eager to try to make a difference in the lives of these children and pray for the wisdom to know how to do that.
This brings me to another conversation I remember. Many foster parents go in like me. They want to help the children and know its going to be hard, but as our trainers said,
"If someone has never been a foster parent themselves, then they have NO idea what you are going through. They canNOT understand what you are dealing with as a foster parent."
The problem that arises is that, because your friends and family can't fully understand, foster parents are sometimes left without the support they really need. Apparently they are often faced with the, "Well, you knew what you were getting into" and a lack of sympathy for your feelings. First off, as our trainers said, we really don't know what we are getting into. We understand it the best we can without actually doing it. And, we do know that it is going to be hard, emotional, stressful, and heartbreaking at times. But, that doesn't mean that we, I, won't need support in that moment. Luckily, I have great family and friends and don't expect that those closest to me would react in this way, but I just thought I'd share anyway. I thought I would ask in advance that when that time comes, and it will, when I am weary, stressed, and heartbroken over a child, that you will support me for where I am in that moment. I will need your grace, your prayers, and maybe your shoulder (or ear) to cry on. But, I also hope to be able to celebrate with you over the good times and rewarding moments.
Moving on, I can't believe I have made it this far in the journey. It was almost a year ago that I finalized my decision to start down this path. I begin sharing my journey, fundraising, and gathering as much information as possible. I read books, listened to podcasts, and sought out contacts online. Its crazy to think it has been so long! In approximately three weeks I will have my license in hand and be open to start taking respite placements.
My mind is kind of all over the place tonight, so I'm going to stop here. I just had one other thing I wanted to share before I go though.
I have realized the need to do one more fundraiser. I've done two others (a basket raffle in KS and a garage sale here), but those funds have been exhausted. They were used to help prepare the house and went to things such as Carbon Monoxide detectors, Smoke detectors, fixed a damaged wall, new lighting fixture, dresser, outlet covers, curtains, blinds, socks, etc, etc. The funds I hope to raise will cover the start-up costs when a child is placed. The first check from the state won't arrive until a month or two after placement. The kids usually come with little to nothing, especially if it is their first time in the system. I will need to buy all appropriate clothing, school supplies, shoes, and anything else that child needs. Also, childcare during that month or two will have to come out of my pocket. The only thing that won't come out of pocket initially is anything medical. I will receive their medical card at time of placement. SO....time for another fundraiser!
My family in KS has graciously offered to host a garage/bake/craft sale for me. We are aiming for Saturday, April 27th. The location is still pending, but Plan A is in my hometown, which you all know. (Can you tell I've got privacy on my mind? Maybe I'll write about that next time.)
So, Kansas people, please mark that day on your calendars and try to come out and support me! Also, we need sale donations! The more we have to sell, the more we can raise. Please check your closets, garages, and sheds for anything you would be willing to donate to our sale. (Or, if you have a crafty hand & want to make something to sell- that is welcomed too!) I know we all have stuff that we want to get out of our house and just don't know what to do with. Well, you can kill two birds with one stone: spring cleaning and helping a a good cause! Even if it is just one item, we will take it! Please leave a comment, email me, or message me on Facebook if you would like to donate and I will help to arrange the details to make that happen. Thanks!
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