Another Place at the Table

Another Place at the Table is the story of Kathy & Bruce Harrison’s experiences as foster parents. And, for them, the book title is very appropriate. In the Harrison house, there was always room for one more. Over the years they have fostered more than 100 children, adopting 3 of them. They also had three of their own children prior to fostering. But, they generally had 6-8 little kids in their house at one time!

When I opened the book, I realized it was different than I expected. For some reason I thought it was supposed to be similar to the other Foster book I read, giving me specific details, rules, and situations that may arise. While it wasn’t set up anything like the other book, it provided more information than I could have expected. I loved it. And, for anyone who knows my reading habits, you will find it quite the miracle that I finished it in less than a week! It is an amazing resource for learning what can really go on in foster care. I definitely plan on reading it again.

The book, which was written by Kathy, shared all kinds of her real-life experiences. (To me, it seems nothing can be more valuable when trying to learn about this world.) While it would be impossible to tell the stories of every child she had cared for, Kathy decided to focus on the stories and her time with just a handful. Even so, there were so many names floating around I was still confused at times! You see, there are a lot of people involved in the care of a foster child. The child, the birth-parents, the social workers, lawyers, therapists, case workers, judges, etc etc. I don’t know how she kept track of everything for so many children at once!

Anyway, I think the reason I loved this book is that the author didn’t try to sugar-coat anything. As a foster parent she could have sat there and defended it and said it’s all good and try to convince anyone reading to sign-up today! However, that wasn’t the case. Kathy was straight-forward and honest about the System and the troubles for which it is famous. More than once she shared her frustrations concerning the lack of support she or a specific child received, the actions of particular lawyers, or the system overall. It is by no means perfect and she can testify to that more than most. It wouldn't always heal a child or fix a family. She learned that she couldn't really save everyone and sometimes only offered the "illusion of help" for a family.

"To Foster meant learning to be satisfied with giving Band-Aids to children and families who needed intensive care."

But she doesn’t completely slam the system either. Nothing is perfect and Social Services does save lives through Foster Care. This too is proven in her story. She shared the many successes that took place in the lives of some of her children. She pointed out some excellent Social Workers, Lawyers, and Therapists DO exist and the impact that they can make in the life of a child. As Kathy said, there are “just enough miracles in foster care to keep hope alive.”

Kathy and Bruce saw it all. They mostly took quite difficult cases and were a Hot-line, or Emergency, foster family. This means that they could get a phone, day or night, letting them know that a child needed a place to stay immediately, sometimes within the hour. Emergency fostering is not in my plans. Maybe if I was married and could be a stay-at-home parent, that would be a possibility. But, for now, my hope is to be placed with a child that will stay for a while. I would like to have them in my care long enough to really connect with them and hopefully make a positive impact. I think that would be hard to do if you only have them in your home for a few hours or days until Social Services finds a placement for them. However, I am sure to do some shorter placements, as that is the nature of foster care.

I enjoyed reading the stories of someone who has actually done this. The joys and healing. The struggles and the heartbreaks. She said of her first real heartbreak, that it made made her feel that she could legitimately claim the title of foster parent. It comes with the territory. Also, she shared a lot about her interaction with the birth parents. She often struggled in dealing with the birth parents who allowed a child to be hurt. Sosometimes found grace enough to see them for more than just the enemy. She said,

"I knew that what might seem like pure evil usually had a second face, the face from a time when they too were small and hurt and no one had rescued them. They were harder to hate than you might expect."

Unfortunately, they were never "rescued" by foster care or had anyone to hold their hand and teach them a better way. As much as she wanted to hate them, and sometimes did, some of them landed on a softer place in her heart. Plus, often the kids still very much love their parents and harboring and displaying hate towards them would be of benefit to no one. I admit, this is something I'm going to struggle with and am already not looking forward to doing. It will be hard to see these kids, but then to have to routinely face the person responsible for them being in this situation will be very very difficult. I already have anger towards people who abuse and neglect children. I am already praying that I will be able to find grace...and lots of it...for the benefit of the child, as well as my own peace of mind.

Kathy basically covered it all. From the system to the behaviors that come with a child who has been abused and neglected and forced to move from place to place. It is difficult. She wasn't always perfect and freely shared her mistakes. She also shared how, over time, she learned not to be as upset or distraught over certain things. Or, how to handle a situations differently. These were all good lessons for me. The lessons, I imagine, will have to be learned first hand to truly materialize, but having this heads up is definitely a good place to start.

This post doesn't nearly do the book or my thoughts on the book justice. (You should consider reading it for yourself!) It really inspired, challenged, and informed me of what foster care can look like. At times it made me angry, sad, tearful, and even happy too. It also made me excited and hopeful for possibilities of helping a child in need. Its going to be hard, and I have plenty more to learn. But, to see the change that can be made in a child leads me to believe that hope is indeed still alive, and I must do all I can to keep it that way.